


All Made of Stars

by Megan



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Canon-Typical Violence, Crossover, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Implied Relationships, Mood Whiplash, Multi, Post-Sburb/Sgrub
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-03-11
Updated: 2012-06-24
Packaged: 2017-11-01 18:54:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/360116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Megan/pseuds/Megan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Or, the one where Jade Harley is actually a Time Lord.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Characters and pairings to be added as I get to them in the story.

Your name is JADE HARLEY, and there is still one REMINDER tied around your finger.

It's been years since SBURB; you and your friends have won. You have EARTH back, the trolls have ALTERNIA back, and no one is dead. It could even be called, in the terminology of a particular one of your number, A MIRACLE. Your island, which is placed squarely in international waters and thus grants you citizenship in NO PARTICULAR COUNTRY, is the same lush, uranium-enhanced paradise it has always been, and you roam it with your faithful dog BECQUEREL. As the research you conduct in your laboratory tower is far beyond that in even the most advanced universities, unlike your friends JOHN and ROSE you have not bothered leaving for a formal education. You are happy conducting your experiments, and now that you are old enough to secure your own travel you are able to visit your friends regularly. You also speak regularly to your friends from Alternia, though you have not formed the same ROMANTIC ENTANGLEMENTS with them that your friends have.

Most of your reminders are long since gone, and you are no longer in the habit of tying them around your fingers; the last one caught on fire and burned off in the laboratory. That is what you get for not following all of the safety procedures on the laminated poster on your wall. But this one has stayed, and you have no idea what it's for. And every time you consider taking it off, your attention is conveniently diverted to something else.

 

"I'm telling you, Harley, I don't need some professor to tell me how smart and pretty I am," Dave said in his best _I am an incredibly cool guy and am skipping university ironically, except for the part where the job market would eat me alive with a degree_ voice. She knew that was the exact name of the voice because Dave had told her that the first time they'd had this conversation. "And I don't need a job on your island, as flattering as it is you'd offer me one, because let's face it: your island is an audience of one, and someone as impossibly gifted at sickening the fires as I am needs an adoring public."

"We're an audience of two!" Jade said, and threw the switch on the particle accelerator. "Bec really appreciates music! And sick fires!"

"Yeah, I know." She could hear a car honking in the background. "Your dog _is_ my audience of one."

"Hey!" Jade might not have been able to throw down sweet beats like Dave or even some of the trolls, but that didn't mean she couldn't appreciate music! "And you said you weren't going to talk on the phone while you were driving anymore, after you got that ticket for it and the Lalondes had to pay it for you."

Dave's relationship with his (ecto)biological mother was… well, Jade didn't really have a frame of reference for those kinds of things, but she was pretty sure that it was weird! Rose got sort of twitchy and muttered about _enabling each other_ whenever the subject came up, anyway. But it did prove that Dave really _didn't_ want to go to school, because all it would take was one phone call to Roxy and he'd be David Lalonde and solving the mathematical equations of time and space at whatever fancy university he wanted to be at.

"Good thing I just got out of the car, then, since I didn't realize I was talking to John Egderp." She could hear the car door slam shut, as loudly as a creaky, rust-chewed hatchback that was almost ten years older than its owner could slam. "And what the hell are you doing in there? That sounds like your particle accelerator, speaking of things we said we weren't going to do while talking on the phone anymore."

Jade was pretty sure that rule had never been set down, unless she'd forgotten about it. And she didn't think she had a reminder for any new— oh, no, there was one, wasn't there? She kept forgetting that last string was tied around her little finger. It wasn't really a very good reminder, though, since she couldn't remember what she'd tied it there for— talk about not doing its job!

"This is a really important experiment! And you just made that rule up, anyway." Jade toyed with the braided bit of string, but didn't unravel it. If she couldn't remember what it was for, then she probably hadn't done it yet, so she wouldn't want to take it off. "Hey, I know it's kind of random, but can you think of anything I forgot?"

"Uh, the fact that DON'T TALK ON THE CELL PHONE IN THE LAB is written on that safety procedures poster you have but never listen to, so I couldn't have made it up?" Dave suggested, to the sound of his fuckass of roommate screaming something about hosebeasts and noise and insanity in the background. Man, Jade had only met that guy once, but she couldn't stand him; he was like someone had taken all the worst bits about Dave, mixed them up with the worst bits about Rose, and then taught that person to flip out like Karkat all the time. And was that Pesterchum going off in the background? It sounded like there was one hell of a party going on over there.

Distracted, Jade tugged on the string enough it slipped loose. Just a little bit, because the very instant she did that her _brain exploded_. At least, that's what it felt like; everything went white and sparkling and hot, like there were actual stars behind her eyes. It was the _absolute coolest thing that had ever happened to her_ ; it reminded her a little of putting on her space goggles she didn't have anymore. But she stopped before she could decide whether to retie it or to pull it the rest of the way loose and see how much more awesome it got, because she could hear Dave yelling that she'd killed him.

"…the _fuck_ did you just do, Harley?" Dave asked, voice gone off a little bit. "Look, whatever black hole radiation you've got going on over there is obviously coming over the airwaves. I'm going to drop you like you're hot and go save the jackass from Terezi's most tender mercies, at least long enough to get this month's rent from him."

He hung up the phone at the same time Jade hit the emergency shutdown on the particle accelerator, and gradually the machine wound down— but the feeling in her head didn't. Whatever it was, she _hadn't_ done it with the accelerator. Which left only one logical conclusion, even if it was silly!

She grabbed the reminder string and _yanked_.

 

===> Be Dave Strider's fuckass roommate, several hours in the past.

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

GC: H3Y D4V3 GU3SS WH4T  
  
GC: D44444444V3  
  
GC: WH3R3 4R3 YOU?

TG: god, would you shut up already bitch?

TG: some of us have jobs instead of being blind and living on welfare, and need to sleep.

GC: OH, YOU MUST BE D4V3S H1V3M4T3

GC: H3 W4RN3D M3 4BOUT YOU >:]

GC: H3 S41D OH TZ

GC: 1 KNOW H3 1S TH3 3FF3CT1V3 OPPOS1T3 OF COOL

GC: BUT DONT B3 TOO H4RD ON H1M, H3 W4S BORN TH1S W4Y.

TG: what the fuck do they have you on?

GC: 4ND TH3N H3 M4SH3D UP L4DY G4G4 4ND V4N1LL4 1C3 FOR M3. 1T W4S B34UT1FUL, H3 R3M3MB3R3D HOW MUCH 1 4DM1R3 L4DY G4G4. SH3 T4ST3S L1K3 MOXY.

GC: MUCH L1K3 1 T4ST3 WH3N 1 L1CK MYS3LF.

TG: oh god, when dave said you were from another planet i thought maybe you were actually from, like, england or mexico or taiwan or something and he was just trying to be mysterious and shit.

TG: but you are legitimately locked up in some mental hospital, aren't you?

TG: you are stuck in the plot of the movie k-pax, and i have become an extra to your kevin spacey.

TG: please take your thorazine and go to bed, strider isn't even home.

GC: YOUR3 BOR1NG. >:[

GC: 1M GO1NG TO L3T YOU T4LK TO K4RK4T FOR 4WH1L3. >:]

TG: fuck this, i'm turning the computer off.

GC: THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK, I'VE GOT A GUY FOR THAT. YEAH, KEEP HITTING THAT FUCKING INORGANIC PROCESSOR MATRIX SHUTOFF SWITCH, IT'S NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING. NOPE, NEITHER IS YANKING OUT THE PRONGED POWER CONDUIT. OH, YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING TO LEAVE THE ROOM? WE'VE GOT A GODDAMN TROLL ALBERT EINSTEIN UP IN HERE, DON'T WE! WHY DON'T I CELEBRATE YOUR INNOVATION BY PUBLISHING A COUNTER RESEARCH PAPER CALLED "HERE COMES THE FUCKING VOLUME AT AURICULAR SPONGE CANAL-SHATTERING VOLUMES THANKS TO STRIDER'S INCESSANT NEED TO UPGRADE HIS AUDIO HARDWARE! THANK YOU, DAVE STRIDER'S PATENTLY RIDICULOUS FETISH FOR MUSICAL EQUIPMENT HE ONLY USES TO MAKE IRONIC MASHUPS!"

GC: WHY AM I DOING THIS, YOU ASK? BECAUSE I'M HIDING IN THE LOWER STORAGE BLOCK OF THIS HIVE AND HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO WITH MY TIME, AND BECAUSE SURELY YOU WILL ATTEMPT TO TAKE SOME KIND OF PETTY REVENGE ON STRIDER. BAD THINGS HAPPENING TO HIM REALLY TURNS MY CRANK. PLEASE, DO THE WORST POSSIBLE THING YOU CAN SHORT OF FLAYING THE ENTIRETY OF HIS SKIN OFF, JUST BECAUSE TEREZI WILL NEVER STOP ANNOYING ME IF SHE DOESN'T HAVE HIM TO LICK OVER THE DISPLAY PANE.

GC: NOW, LET ME RECOUNT UNTO YOU AN EPIC DRAMEDY OF HOW MY EXISTENCE WAS FLIPPED INTO ITS OPPOSITE POLARITY.

===> be Dave Strider, back in the present.

Your name is DAVE STRIDER, and your roommate is for once not mocking you for having an INTERNET GIRLFRIEND.

You have been carrying on your instant messenger flirtation with TEREZI PYROPE for several years, because you have not yet found a girl in your galaxy who match her for SEXY BADASSDERY, SHEER MOXY, or (most importantly) BEING ABSOLUTELY HIP TO YOUR GROOVE. She has left very large, extremely cool shoes that will be difficult for any other woman to fill, just as she has yet to find any troll in her own region of space who is as EFFORTLESSLY COOL as YOU are. Unfortunately for you, the only man who can hold your extremely ironic interest is also in that faraway galaxy; your INTERNET HATE BOYFRIEND is a subject your roommate cannot rip on you for only because he does not know about your KISMESIS. Or, in fact, that a black romance is a thing at all.

Your phone conversation with JADE HARLEY has just ended, and with it the REALLY BIZARRE HEADACHE she was giving you. However, an entirely MORE FAMILIAR HEADACHE awaits you; once again, your house is filled with the SYMPHONY OF YOUR ROOMMATE'S ANGUISH.

Something was blaring from the speakers so loudly the entire house was shaking (and thank god it was a shitty little house and not an apartment, or someone would have probably called the cops even in this neighborhood). It wasn't music, though; it sounded like a Pesterchum notification, blaring over the speakers at random intervals that spoke to someone actually typing messages.

"… _Strider_ ," his douchebag of a roommate sort of croaked out the second Dave was through the door. He didn't look so good. " _Make it stop_. I won't give you any shit about your stupid alien girlfriend anymore, just please figure out some way to _make her and her she-beast friend go away_."

" _Oh shit, son_ ," Dave breathed, with something akin to awe swelling up in him. "You poked the dragon, didn't you."

"I have to work at seven AM," the douchelord said, and he actually sounded _sorry_. " _Please_. I'll buy you waffles later. I swear."

"I guess," Dave said, because a cool bro was magnanimous when he needed to be. Or when waffles were involved, whichever. "Let me guess, she decided you were boring and her friend started telling you about how her giant pet spider was going to dismember and eat you and then she was going to lick your skull clean because brains are her favorite?"

Sometimes, Dave was very, very relieved he lived an entire galaxy away from his girlfriend's girlfriend.

"No," came the rather confused reply. "She said she was going to rip my organs out and let a parasitic wasp nest in the space. In between quoting a really weird version of what I think is supposed to be the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. And there was something about scientific papers and then more about pulling out all my organs, and that's when I came out here and hid."

"…Terezi, you _magnificent bastard_." Dave had the best girlfriend-matesprit-whatever _ever_. "That wasn't a she-beast, dude, and if you ever insinuate he's less than a buffet of manliness he'll launch himself through space so hard that he'll get from the Triangulum Galaxy to our doorstep in a day and a half and he will literally _feed your carcass to a juggalo_. He's got one of those."

Dave was also very, _very_ relieved he lived an entire galaxy away from his boyfriend's boyfriend.

"Okay, he's really manly," his shivering pile of jelly a of a roommate said, and Dave sighed.

"Lies, he's a certified, grade-A space twink," Dave corrected. "He's five feet tall and he watches chick flicks and he's got a pretty mouth. …his pet murderclown is like, seven feet of manliness, though. You might want to watch out for that. Guy's absolutely sick."

He actually needed this guy to help pay his share of the rent, though, so Dave braved the really fucking unnecessarily loud Pesterchum dings and sat down in front of his computer.

GC: AND THEN THERE WILL A BACCHANALIA WHERE WE WILL DRINK YOUR BLOOD LIKE WINE AND GIVE YOUR HEART TO OUR DARK GODS IN RETURN FOR THEIR BLESSINGS WHILE WE TRAVEL UNSHIELDED THROUGH THE DARKEST PARTS OF THE FAR REALM IN SEARCH OF MORE HUMANS TO CUT UP AND SHOVE DOWN OUR PROTEIN CHUTES. YOUR BLOOD SACRIFICE WILL APPEASE THE HORRORTERRORS FOR ANOTHER PERIGEE, TRULY.

TG: you can shut up now princess pussycat im back

TG: a plus trolling would sic you on roommate again

GC: OF FUCKING COURSE YOU WOULD DECIDE TO SHOW YOUR COLORLESS MONKEY FACE WHEN I WAS REALLY GETTING SOMEWHERE. YOU ARE RUINING THE BEST BIT OF TROLLING I'VE GOTTEN TO DO IN PERIGEES, AND I HOPE YOU CHOKE ON YOURS AND TEREZI'S OVERINFLATED SENSES OF HOW FUCKING FUNNY YOU ARE.

TG: mmmm ragegasm

TG: take it all off baby

GC: SURE, WE'LL USE THE BUCKET WITH YOUR NAME ON IT.

GC: AFTER I KICK IT DOWN SOME STAIRS.

TG: yeah figured you were at tzs for some extraquadrantal filth

GC: NO, THAT'S BECAUSE I'M HIDING IN HER HIVE. SOMEBODY UP THERE FINALLY STOPPED BEING COMPLETELY NUMB IN THE THINKPAN, RUBBED A COUPLE OF SYNAPSE-TRANSMITTING CELLS TOGETHER, AND REALIZED HEY, THAT KARKAT VANTAS GUY, WE SHOULD REALLY GET AROUND TO CULLING THE FUCK OUT OF HIM. AS SOON AS THE SUN GOES DOWN I'M OFF THE MATRIX OF FIGURATIVE INFORMATION PATHWAYS FOR GOOD.

GC: THAT'S WHY TEREZI WAS TROLLING YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE, YOUR TROGLODYTE OF A HIVEMATE JUST GOT IN THE WAY.

GC: ALSO, 'EXTRAQUADRANTAL FILTH' IS NOT A WORD. I'M STARTING TO WONDER IF YOUR OWN LANGUAGE ISN'T YOUR REAL KISMESIS AND OUR HATRED IS NOTHING BUT A SHAM.

GC: ANYWAY STOP MAKING SHIT LIKE THAT UP SO I CAN FINISH WHAT I WAS FUCKING TRYING TO SAY BEFORE YOU TOLD ME TO TAKE MY CLOTHES OFF. I'M PROBABLY NOT LOGGING ONTO TROLLIAN AGAIN FOR AN INCOMPREHENSIBLY LONG TIME. UNTIL WHENEVER THE FUCK OUR GREAT SHINING PURPLE HOPE STOPS PAILING CAPTOR LONG ENOUGH TO ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING, AND IT JUST OCCURRED TO ME THAT DESCRIPTION COULD APPLY TO EITHER OF THOSE TWO AND OH FUCK I NEVER WANTED TO THINK ABOUT AMPORA THAT WAY.

GC: MY KNOWLEDGE OF HIM AS A CONCUPISCENT BEING IS STRICTLY ACADEMIC. I WOULD PREFER TO TREAT HIS BULGE AS A HORRIBLE MYTH OF NIGHTMARES, AND NOW I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT ITS HORRORTERROR-WORTHY NASTINESS TOUCHING CAPTOR INAPPROPRIATELY. SO I HOPE YOU DIDN'T WANT ANY ACTUAL PAILING BY INTERNET PROXY BEFORE I GO, BECAUSE THAT IS NO LONGER GOING TO HAPPEN.

TG: tldr

TG: more dirty talk, less sexual harassment seahorse

GC: YOU DIDN'T READ A FUCKING WORD I JUST SAID!

TG: yes i did

TG: whine whine starcrossed hate drama drama on the lam pussycat yowl

TG: if you wanted wailing rending of garments etc youd tell egbert

TG: now go get the dave bucket so we can all fuck like rockstasdkfjsdfs'd'

TG: 239pu3ej;fkoepgjuidrae'lwiahfr348rtu709q23w3eioafjaswfjdewaklfjkfdjsakjsfjdskfjdsafdlfe wfrewjfwf';dlsfds;ds'flwit349t34853490i5twerfjdklsfjadsklghu9358gufvnm,cvbnmv,b.kt397548 tueghjfkrdjgl;fdgip39485905jkfgbjfkdgdfklgfrd

[this goes on for FIVE MINUTES, until a certain TROLL has decided that his KISMESIS has stewed in his own perverse sexual lusts for long enough.]

GC: GREAT, I BROKE YOU! NOW TEREZI'S GOING TO EAT MY SOUL.

TG: i think jade gave me magic powers

TG: or possibly brain cancer jury is still out


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I was thinking it would be self-evident but just in case it's not: this is a Doctor Who crossover. I didn't tag it for the fandom because I'm not planning to use any characters from it, just the setting.
> 
> This is something I write for when the inspiration strikes or I've got writer's block on my main projects, so don't expect a regular update schedule out of this one. It's always in progress (and I don't expect another four-month gap between chapters), but I'm not writing it to a schedule. ^^;
> 
> This chapter is 100% pesterlogs. This is your warning for that!

==> Be JOHN EGBERT.

You cannot be John Egbert. He is too busy having SCHOOL SPIRIT.

== > Be JOHN EGBERT'S IDLE MESSAGE ON PESTERCHUM.

gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB]

GG: john!

GG: john!!!!

GG: john john john john!!!!!!!!!!

GG: this is really important, john!

GG: god, the one time you have something to do besides sit around on pesterchum and it's when i'm an alien!!!

gardenGnostic stopped pestering ectoBiologist.

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB]

TG: egbert bro this is the most important pesterlog ever

TG: i am so fucking serious right now i cant even

TG: oh god youre not replying because harley did up and give you a malignancy of the magic gland

TG: youre doing all kinds of fuckin timetravel in your dying reverie

TG: fuck if youve got my godtier powers and i dont im ending it

TG: its over

TG: everything

TG: ill be dr david lalonde professor of mathematics

TG: and completely suck

TG: bc if you become cooler than i am it is not worth doing

TG: fine then dont talk to me

TG: rose will laugh at my pain but at least she doesnt have a life

turntechGodhead stopped pestering ectoBiologist.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB]

CG: I PROBABLY SHOULDN'T BE USING MY OWN HANDLE HERE, I THINK THEY'RE TRACKING IT. BUT FUCK WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO DO TO YOU, IF WE HAD THE TECHNOLOGY TO GET TO YOUR GALAXY I'M PRETTY SURE KANAYA WOULD ALREADY BE LIVING THERE. FROLICKING IN THE TERRIFYING SUNLIGHT WITH LALONDE. FASHIONABLY. AND ANYWAY, I WOULD FEEL COMPLETELY DISGUSTING INSIDE IF I DID THIS USING SOMEONE ELSE'S TROLLIAN. …ALSO, IF ANYONE ELSE HAS ACCESS TO THE LOG I WILL NEVER LIVE IT DOWN IF I SURVIVE.

CG: THINGS ARE GOING DOWN TONIGHT, IN A WAY STRIDER WOULD PROBABLY DESCRIBE AS 'A SICKNASTY FIREBALL VISIBLE FROM SPACE' BUT I PREFER TO THINK OF AS 'OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK HOW COULD I BE SO COLOSSALLY STUPID AS TO THINK THIS WAS ANYTHING RESEMBLING A VIABLE PLAN.'

CG: SINCE I'M PROBABLY GOING TO DIE OR AT LEAST BE LIVING IN CAVES AND SHIT FOR SO MANY SWEEPS I CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP AT DAWN JUST THINKING ABOUT IT, I MIGHT AS WELL TELL YOU SO I DON'T START ENTERTAINING POINTLESS REGRETS WHILE I'M DODGING MUSCLEBEASTS AND HOPING THE WALKING DEAD DON'T RISE UP FROM THE SAND AND REALIZE MY CAVE COULD BE THEIR OWN PERSONAL FOOD PREPARATION BLOCK.

CG: IT ALSO HELPS YOU'RE NOT HERE, SEEING AS YOU WOULD NEVER HAVE KEPT YOUR MOUTH SHUT AFTER THAT FIRST INSINUATION I MIGHT NOT BE PART OF THE LIVING MUCH LONGER. YOU WOULD HAVE GONE ALL "karkat!!!!!!! don't say things like that!!" UNTIL YOU REALIZED I WAS BEING SERIOUS AND THEN YOU WOULD HAVE JUST STARTED RAGING. BECAUSE YOU ARE THE STUPIDEST, MOST POINTLESS PERSON I HAVE EVER MET IN ANY UNIVERSE, AND THAT SAYS A LOT ABOUT YOU CONSIDERING THAT I KNOW STRIDER.

CG: LOOK, I'M PROBABLY NEVER GOING TO TALK TO YOU AGAIN. SO… THANKS, FOR BEING SUCH A SAD SACK OF SHIT THAT MY LIFE SEEMS BETTER IN COMPARISON. IT HELPS A LOT TO HAVE SOMEONE AROUND WHO I CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON TO MAKE ME LOOK LESS STUPID BY HAVING EVEN MORE UNFORTUNATE LIFE CHOICES. HAVING GAMZEE FOR A MOIRAIL LOOKS POSITIVELY GENIUS COMPARED TO HAVING VRISKA FOR A MOIRAIL. ASSUMING THAT YOU AREN'T MATESPRITS THIS WEEK, SEEING AS YOU TWO ARE THE MOST DEPRAVED PAIR OF QUADRANT-FLIPPERS I HAVE EVER COME ACROSS IN MY LIFE. AND I SAY THIS AS THE TROLL WHOSE MATESPRIT IS ALSO MATESPRITS WITH MY KISMESIS SO AGAIN, THAT SAYS ENTIRE PETABYTES OF DATA ABOUT YOU.

CG: I'M ACTUALLY NOT ENTIRELY UPSET THAT YOU INFECTED ME WITH THE HUMAN DISEASE CALLED FRIENDSHIP.

CG: THERE, I SAID IT.

CG: BYE.

carcinoGeneticist ceased trolling ectoBiologist.

> Well, that was depressing. Be the sister with no life.

Your name is ROSE LALONDE, and you attend an EXTREMELY EXPENSIVE WOMEN'S COLLEGE on the EAST COAST. You chose this school both because IT DRAINS MORE OF YOUR DRUNK MOTHER'S TAINTED MONEY and because it is located in an EXTREMELY LARGE CITY. You enjoy the city because you can rub elbows with PEOPLE YOUR MOTHER WARNED YOU ABOUT, which makes you immensely happy; your mother is such a TERRIBLE JUDGE OF CHARACTER that anyone she hates must be worthwhile. Despite the millions of people around you, though, you are LONELY. Your BROTHER lives in TEXAS, your BEST FRIEND lives on A PRIVATE ISLAND IN THE SOUTH PACIFIC, your OTHER BROTHER travels ALL AROUND THE WORLD, and your GIRLFRIEND lives in ANOTHER GALAXY.

You are used to this, though; you do not make friends easily. In fact, you are perfectly content to sit outside a CAFE, drinking your COFFEE and KNITTING UNNECESSARY ACCESSORIES while you WATCH PEOPLE GOING BY. Despite your love of literature and psychology (and the fact you attend a liberal arts school), you are majoring in PHYSICS. After all, your DRUNK MOTHER is also an apparent STEALTH SCIENCE GENIUS with TELEPORTERS ALL OVER HER HOUSE; such things are apparently GENETIC, as even both of your HIPSTER SLACKER BROTHERS have an aptitude for the hard sciences.

Speaking of hipster slacker brothers, your ECTOBIOLOICAL TWIN has been pestering your phone for the past half an hour, despite all your best efforts to ignore him. He always has been bad at ignoring blatant hints that his ironic pseudo-philosophical rap stylings aren't wanted, so there isn't anything to do but answer him.  


turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

TG: rose come on i need your advice like a need a hole in my head but right now i think i actually do need a hole in my head

TG: to let out whatever the fuck jade put in there

TG: and if you dont answer my next choice is our stupid sexy teen mom and you and i both know how that will end

TG: a bender full of incest and math

TG: and nobody wants that

TT: Yes, goodness knows we cannot allow any mathematics here.

TT: What, pray tell, has Jade managed to do to you from a remote island in the South Pacific? 

TT: Besides give you an extremely awkward boner when you think of her with the alternate timeline half-bird, half-kernelsprite version of you?

TG: fuck you that was confidential

TG: what happens when team strider-lalonde gets drunk stays when team strider-lalonde gets drunk

TT: You really should consider that the rest of us can't stay in a particular temporal period when you make these ridiculous rules. And that you can't either, anymore.

TG: thats what im trying to say though

TG: rose i can see them again

TG: the timelines

You drop your spoon.


End file.
